think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
