What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
