Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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