my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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