i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
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make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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