Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
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New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
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Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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