why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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