So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
