your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
