I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
