me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
