So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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