i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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