Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize