K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
