Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
