uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
