I'm laying in your front yard are you home
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
