you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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