Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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