i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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