the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
