woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
