you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
