Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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