atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize