I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
