Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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