i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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