Do you still have your period?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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