theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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