I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I forget how to act sober
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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