just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
