I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
