he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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