and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
