I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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