I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
