He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.