You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you