i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice