I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
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These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.