Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.

  (1-619): View more from California

  i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!

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  (619): Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning. (1-619): i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth! http://tfl.nu/6amj
  Replies (9) Good night (1776) Bad night (645)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone

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  (480): There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone http://tfl.nu/wpdv
  Replies (38) Good night (776) Bad night (1885)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.

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  (434): Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/4ejh
  Replies (32) Good night (1773) Bad night (4003)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  whose oscar?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.

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  (203): Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone (1-203): whose oscar? (203): the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month. http://tfl.nu/bpyh
  Replies (29) Good night (9026) Bad night (981)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.

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  (908): I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest. http://tfl.nu/fc4o
  Replies (9) Good night (5388) Bad night (1030)
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  (818): View more from California

  Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.

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  (818): Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some. http://tfl.nu/upkj
  Replies (5) Good night (1251) Bad night (3255)
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly

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  (867): I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly http://tfl.nu/gz7h
  Replies (3) Good night (875) Bad night (1731)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  sorry

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  why?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?

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  (301): sorry (304): why? (301): oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you? http://tfl.nu/0491
  Replies (2) Good night (2494) Bad night (753)
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  (949): View more from California

  It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.

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  (949): It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process. http://tfl.nu/bbcc
  Replies (8) Good night (1137) Bad night (391)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.

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  (520): You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha. http://tfl.nu/0ooa
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.

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  (717): Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable. http://tfl.nu/afco
  Replies (3) Good night (723) Bad night (317)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..

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  (541): How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time.. http://tfl.nu/mqtf
  Replies (2) Good night (535) Bad night (221)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car

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  (806): Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car http://tfl.nu/zknv
  Replies (4) Good night (240) Bad night (690)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him

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  (302): He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him http://tfl.nu/krgi
  Replies (1) Good night (680) Bad night (210)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back

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  (303): I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back http://tfl.nu/8udh
  Replies (2) Good night (195) Bad night (519)

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