Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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