Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
