if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize