How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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