Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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