watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
