I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
