I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize