Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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