dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
