Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
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I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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