an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
