idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
