Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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