batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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