Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My vagina just recognized that song.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
