I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
