I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
