woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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