3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
