I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sorry about my life...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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