I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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