Me too!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
