after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
