It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
