I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
